You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
