Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
