I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
