dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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