Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
