I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
