Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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