So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
