her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
