i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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