The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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