So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
