there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she woke up with a sticky ear
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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