well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
