If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
