I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
