Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
