just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
honey bunches of taint.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
