based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
