either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
