what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
