I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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