He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
