At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
