i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
