you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
