I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
