Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
