I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize