i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
