I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
