Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
These tits shall not be calmed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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