Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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