Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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