Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
