that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
