today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
