Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
