I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize