i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
