This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
