FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
