The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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