It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
