Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
