haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
