he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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