Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drake has all the answers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
