instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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