What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
