Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
