I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
