remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize