I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
