I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
