I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
