I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She bit a glass in half.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize