Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
