You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
