As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
