you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
