Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
