Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
