I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize