Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
