Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
