Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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