sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
