I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
